This is a true story. The new minister is introducing himself to the congregation. He is telling the children about himself, and gives a few concrete examples of what a minister does. A little girl is puzzled and shouts out.
"You can't be a minister! You are a boy!
That congregation had had twenty one male ministers since the boats landed in the 1630s, and one female minister. That one woman had been the minister that had christened that little girl, and told her stories during stories for all ages, and she was what a minister looked like for that little girl.
Doug Muder writes about the ways that the feminization of the churches based on his personal response to a sermon by a student minister. Anecdotal evidence has its power, but I am not convinced that Unitarian Universalist churches have completed the overthrow of patriarchy and established a hegemony based on the ways of women.
Not too long ago a young woman who attends our services came up to me about 10 minutes before the service, she indicated that she had left her boyfriend, and she was now homeless. Her presenting situation was that she needed to get her stuff at her old apartment and was much afraid. I was about the do opening words, I hugged her and said we would help, could she sit wait in my office. I asked a male high school teacher if he could help. He had no information to go on, but I choose him for his non anxious compassionate way with people. He worked with the young woman and the sheriff and by the end of the service she had experienced the caring community. I can give other examples. I don't know how our response would have been different if my school teacher congregant and I had been embodied female, but the kind of incident that Doug's student minister spoke about is part of being church, and has been since we all just gathered by a river.
While some of us may experience some growing pains being called upon to talk about our feelings does not make us "feminine," men have been trained to suppress feelings and there is considerable clinical evidence to indicate that such inhibitions are not healthy emotionally, relationally, or in terms of spiritual growth. Women have worked to overcome many of the less empowering aspects of their social formation and so should men. We are engaged in transformation, some will experience it as feminization of our churches, and if men refuse to engage this new manifestation perhaps we will experience a withdrawal of men. But we can create communities where women are encouraged to assert their ideas and celebrate the creative side of conflict, and men are encouraged to talk about feelings and listen to others when they are upset and need hug.



